Thursday, August 16, 2012


and when she lifted her legs it was as if
she wanted to balance the moon  on her toes to keep it from falling
but I knew all along it was the black cloud that needed to stay in place
and so in that county where I was once and now and will be before I was
where I spoke the words holy  holy holy Lord God Almighty all the earth
is full of Thy glory where the whistling swans ride the backs of the white
horses of the river where the boxcars and skiffs are full
of drunken troubadours where once I did lay awhile longer the pavane
of whippoorwills while the pall bearers are strutting in the ceremonies
of my sleep the passing bell nodding like a snake charmer all far
past way deep behind the woods down the  road where I saw that lightning bug
in  the country where my  dreams are like bark
peeled off by lightning  I was with her the girl  with black  hair
while the wolf had the moon by the throat
I said I love you in  the field of honor
and she  was like a colt
and she was water I  held in  my hands
and she was the canoe I worked through the river
ans she was the flash at two-thirty in the morning of  the suicidal knife
and she was  a fire of pine cones who ran like a deer
and she was a butterfly that lit on the float of  my  pole
and she was  the night herself
she was the cape I drew over my body

frank stanford


























Saturday, July 28, 2012


an  archangel in  red
modeling
someone  is ok
for learning
but there is a need
to concentrate on creating
from whats at hand
like madonna
with the great tits
and outside bra
 









Friday, July 20, 2012


Immortality is participation in the eternal now of the divine Ground.
Survival is persistence in one of the forms of time. Immortality is the result of total deliverance. Survival is the lot of those who are partially delivered into some heaven, or who are not delivered at all but find themselves by the law of their own untranscended nature compelled to choose some purgatorial or embodied servitude even more painful than the one they have just left.
The word Tathagata, one of the names of the buddha signifies one who does not go to anywhere and does not come from anywhere and therefore is he called Tathagata (Thus-gone), holy and fully enlightened.
              I died a mineral and became a plant. I died a plant and rose an animal. I died an animal and I was    man.   Why should I fear ? When was I less by dying ?
      jalal-uddin  Rumi
There is a general agreement, East and West, that life in a body provides uniquely good opportunities for achieving salvation or deliverance. Catholic and Mahayana buddhist doctrine is alike in insisting that the soul in its disembodied state after death cannot acquire merit, but merely suffers in purgatory the consequences of its past acts.

Meanwhile, the fact that one has been born in a human body is one of the things for which says Shankara, one should daily give thanks to God.
      The spiritual creature which we are has need of a body without which it could nowise attain that knowledge which it obtains as the only approach to those things by knowledge of which it is made blessed.
            St. Bernard
Good men spiritualize their bodies, bad men incarnate their souls.
More precisely, good men spiritualize their mind-bodies;
bad men incarnate and mentalize their spirits.
The completely spiritualized mind-body is a Tathagata, who doesn't go anywhere when he dies,
for the good reason that he is already, actually and consciously, where everyone has always potentially been without knowing.
The person who has not in this life gone into Thusness, into the eternal principle of all states of being, goes at death into some particular state either purgatorial or paradisal.

For oriental theologians there is no eternal damnation; there are only purgatories and then an indefinite series of second chances to go forward towards not only man's but the whole creation's final end total reunion with the Ground of all being.
Preoccupation with posthumous deliverance is not one of the means to such deliverance and may easily indeed, become an obstacle in the way of advance towards it.
In oriental discussions of the subject, that which survives death is not the personality.
Buddhism accepts the doctrine of reincarnation but it is not a soul that passes on, (buddhism denies the existence of a soul), it is the character.
What we choose to make of our mental and physical constitution in the course of our life on earth affects the psychic medium within which individual minds lead a part at least of their amphibious existence and this modification of the medium results, after the body's death, in the initiation of a new existence either in a heaven, or a purgatory, or another body.
In the Vedanta cosmology there is over and above the Atman or spiritual Self, identical with the divine Ground, something in the nature of a soul that reincarnates in a gross or subtle body or manifests itself in some incorporeal state.
This soul is not the personality of the defunct but rather the particularized i consciousness out of which a personality arises.
The only personalities with which we have any direct acquaintance are incarnate beings, compounds of a body and some unknown x.
But if x plus a body equals a personality, then, obviously, it is impossible for x minus a body to equal the same thing. The apparently personal entities which psychical research sometimes seems to discover can only be regarded as temporary pseudopersonalities compounded of x and the medium's body.
These two conceptions are not mutually exclusive and survival may be the joint product of a persistent consciousness and a modification of the psychic medium.
If this is so, it is possible for a given human being to survive in more than one posthumous form.
His 'soul' the non-personal ground and principle of past and future personalities
may go marching on in one mode of being while the traces left by his thoughts and volitions in the psychic medium may become the origin of new individualized existences, having quite other modes of being.
aldous huxley
hollywood 1945


Thursday, July 19, 2012

life aint
what it used  to be
deaths chord a minor change
and i'm not a top
balanced and high

its dangerous
and my knives
have to be sharper
than my brothers in the dark

whats to come
i have to remember
alone






















Wednesday, July 18, 2012






im the same as i was when i was 6 years old   
 and oh my god i feel so damn old   
i don't really feel anything
on a plane i can see the tiny lights below   
 and oh my god they look so alone   
 do they really feel anything  
 oh my god ive gotta gotta gotta gotta move on
 
where do you move when
what youre moving from is  
yourself   
the universe works on a math equation 
 that never even ever really even ends in the end
  infinity spirals out creation
were on the tip of its tongue and it is saying
     we aint sure where you stand 
  you aint machines and you aint man 
  and the plants and the animals they are linked
and the plants and the animals eat each other
oh my god and oh my cat
     i told my dad what I need 
 well i know what i have and want   
 but i don't know what i need 
  well he said he said he said he said
where were going im dead
   
                                     modest mouse
            
                  

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Thursday, June 21, 2012

HI Resolution Blue


i miss the blur
the dark area i could guess at
now it all looks like my  room
and me in both

we need to look
to our fellas
the other monkeys
for answers

the tale is that we can't end it
whenever we want
we will lose nothing
indivisible
and this is
a movement in joy

a game of circumstances
we act in
and be people
playing at rules

Friday, June 15, 2012

Thursday, June 14, 2012





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Wednesday, June 13, 2012


In a noble open space carpeted with grass on the high ground toward Vaucouleurs stood a most majestic beech tree with wide-reaching arms and a grand spread of shade, and by it a limpid spring of cold water; and on summer days the children went there— oh, every summer for more than five hundred years —went there and sang and danced around the tree for hours together, refreshing themselves at the spring from time to time, and it was most lovely and enjoyable.
Also they made wreaths of flowers and hung them upon the tree and about the spring to please the fairies that lived there; for they liked that, being idle innocent little creatures, as all fairies are, and fond of anything delicate and pretty like wild flowers put together in that way. And in return for this attention the fairies did any friendly thing they could for the children, such as keeping the spring always full and clear and cold, and driving away serpents and insects that sting; and so there was never any unkindness between the fairies and the children during more than five hundred years—tradition said a thousand—but only the warmest affection and the most perfect trust and confidence; and whenever a child died the fairies mourned just as that child's playmates did, and the sign of it was there to see; for before the dawn on the day of the funeral they hung a little immortelle over the place where that child was used to sit under the tree.
I know this to be true by my own eyes; it is not hearsay. And the reason it was known that the fairies did it was this— that it was made all of black flowers of a sort not known in France anywhere. Now from time immemorial all children reared in Domremy were called the Children of the Tree; and they loved that name, for it carried with it a mystic privilege not granted to any others of the children of this world.

Which was this: whenever one of these came to die, then beyond the vague and formless images drifting through his darkening mind rose soft and rich and fair a vision of the Tree —if all was well with his soul. That was what some said. Others said the vision came in two ways: once as a warning, one or two years in advance of death, when the soul was the captive of sin, and then the Tree appeared in its desolate winter aspect— then that soul was smitten with an awful fear. If repentance came, and purity of life, the vision came again, this time summer-clad and beautiful; but if it were otherwise with that soul the vision was withheld, and it passed from life knowing its doom. Still others said that the vision came but once, and then only to the sinless dying forlorn in distant lands and pitifully longing for some last dear reminder of their home. And what reminder of it could go to their hearts like the picture of the Tree that was the darling of their love and the comrade of their joys and comforter of their small griefs all through the divine days of their vanished youth?

Always, from the remotest times, when the children joined hands and danced around the Fairy Tree they sang a song which was the Tree's song, the song of L'Arbre fee de Bourlemont. They sang it to a quaint sweet air—a solacing sweet air which has gone murmuring through my dreaming spirit all my life when I was weary and troubled, resting me and carrying me through night and distance home again.

No stranger can know or feel what that song has been, through the drifting centuries, to exiled Children of the Tree, homeless and heavy of heart in countries foreign to their speech and ways. You will think it a simple thing, that song, and poor, perchance; but if you will remember what it was to us, and what it brought before our eyes when it floated through our memories, then you will respect it. And you will understand how the water wells up in our eyes and makes all things dim, and our voices break and we cannot sing the last lines:  
      "And when, in Exile wand'ring, we Shall fainting yearn for glimpse of thee, Oh, rise upon our sight!"
And you will remember that Joan of Arc sang this song with us around the Tree when she was a little child, and always loved it. And that hallows it, yes, you will grant that:

L'ARBRE FEE DE BOURLEMONT SONG OF THE CHILDREN
Now what has kept your leaves so green,
Arbre Fee de Bourlemont?
The children's tears!
They brought each grief, And you did comfort them and cheer
Their bruised hearts, and steal a tear
That, healed, rose a leaf.
And what has built you up so strong, Arbre Fee de Bourlemont?
The children's love! They've loved you long
Ten hundred years, in sooth,
They've nourished you with praise and song,
And warmed your heart and kept it young—
 A thousand years of youth!
Bide always green in our young hearts, Arbre Fee de Bourlemont!
And we shall always youthful be,
Not heeding Time his flight;
And when, in exile wand'ring, we Shall fainting yearn for glimpse of thee, Oh, rise upon our sight!

The fairies were still there when we were children, but we never saw them; because, a hundred years before that, the priest of Domremy had held a religious function under the tree and denounced them as being blood-kin to the Fiend and barred them from redemption; and then he warned them never to show themselves again, nor hang any more immortelles, on pain of perpetual banishment from that parish.

All the children pleaded for the fairies, and said they were their good friends and dear to them and never did them any harm, but the priest would not listen, and said it was sin and shame to have such friends. The children mourned and could not be comforted; and they made an agreement among themselves that they would always continue to hang flower-wreaths on the tree as a perpetual sign to the fairies that they were still loved and remembered, though lost to sight.
But late one night a great misfortune befell. Edmond Aubrey's mother passed by the Tree, and the fairies were stealing a dance, not thinking anybody was by; and they were so busy, and so intoxicated with the wild happiness of it, and with the bumpers of dew sharpened up with honey which they had been drinking, that they noticed nothing;
so Dame Aubrey stood there astonished and admiring, and saw the little fantastic atoms holding hands, as many as three hundred of them, tearing around in a great ring half as big as an ordinary bedroom, and leaning away back and spreading their mouths with laughter and song, which she could hear quite distinctly, and kicking their legs up as much as three inches from the ground in perfect abandon and hilarity —oh, the very maddest and witchingest dance the woman ever saw.

But in about a minute or two minutes the poor little ruined creatures discovered her. They burst out in one heartbreaking squeak of grief and terror and fled every which way, with their wee hazel-nut fists in their eyes and crying; and so disappeared.
The heartless woman —no, the foolish woman; she was not heartless, but only thoughtless— went straight home and told the neighbors all about it, whilst we, the small friends of the fairies, were asleep and not witting the calamity that was come upon us, and all unconscious that we ought to be up and trying to stop these fatal tongues.
In the morning everybody knew, and the disaster was complete, for where everybody knows a thing the priest knows it, of course. We all flocked to Pere Fronte, crying and begging —and he had to cry, too, seeing our sorrow, for he had a most kind and gentle nature; and he did not want to banish the fairies, and said so; but said he had no choice, for it had been decreed that if they ever revealed themselves to man again, they must go.

This all happened at the worst time possible, for Joan of Arc was ill of a fever and out of her head, and what could we do who had not her gifts of reasoning and persuasion? We flew in a swarm to her bed and cried out, "Joan, wake! Wake, there is no moment to lose! Come and plead for the fairies— come and save them; only you can do it!"
But her mind was wandering, she did not know what we said nor what we meant; so we went away knowing all was lost. Yes, all was lost, forever lost; the faithful friends of the children for five hundred years must go, and never come back any more.
It was a bitter day for us, that day that Pere Fronte held the function under the tree and banished the fairies. We could not wear mourning that any could have noticed, it would not have been allowed; so we had to be content with some poor small rag of black tied upon our garments where it made no show; but in our hearts we wore mourning, big and noble and occupying all the room, for our hearts were ours; they could not get at them to prevent that.
The great tree—l'Arbre Fee de Bourlemont was its beautiful name —was never afterward quite as much to us as it had been before, but it was always dear; is dear to me yet when I go there now, once a year in my old age, to sit under it and bring back the lost playmates of my youth and group them about me and look upon their faces through my tears and break my heart, oh, my God!
No, the place was not quite the same afterward. In one or two ways it could not be; for, the fairies' protection being gone, the spring lost much of its freshness and coldness, and more than two-thirds of its volume, and the banished serpents and stinging insects returned, and multiplied, and became a torment and have remained so to this day. When that wise little child, Joan, got well, we realized how much her illness had cost us; for we found that we had been right in believing she could save the fairies.
She burst into a great storm of anger, for so little a creature, and went straight to Pere Fronte, and stood up before him where he sat, and made reverence and said: "The fairies were to go if they showed themselves to people again, is it not so?" "Yes, that was it, dear."
"If a man comes prying into a person's room at midnight when that person is half-naked, will you be so unjust as to say that that person is showing himself to that man?" "Well— no."
The good priest looked a little troubled and uneasy when he said it. "Is a sin a sin, anyway, even if one did not intend to commit it?" Pere Fronte threw up his hands and cried out: "Oh, my poor little child, I see all my fault," and he drew her to his side and put an arm around her and tried to make his peace with her, but her temper was up so high that she could not get it down right away, but buried her head against his breast and broke out crying and said:
"Then the fairies committed no sin, for there was no intention to commit one, they not knowing that any one was by;
and because they were little creatures and could not speak for themselves and say the law was against the intention, not against the innocent act, because they had no friend to think that simple thing for them and say it, they have been sent away from their home forever, and it was wrong, wrong to do it!"

Mark Twain

JOAN