An hour ago I had a vivid specific living detailed recollection of when kelly's eyes went out. I asked myself if he was alive for that last moment with me. When he called out to me was he performing a stunt. Or was it the last thought of a mind who showed he was my best friend by directing his last thought, last word, to me. We were playful that whole day because it was a way to beat the hangover. We would just keep going safely in the boat, to a beach. What could happen
 I don't know anyone else who lost their friend while drinking. As time goes on I become more culpable. What were common not unusual circumstances seem in retrospect more the product of choices. Marie turns 40 this year.

Perhaps reincarnation is only possible when looking at the infinite variations producing by mathematical probability a facsimile of you. But you could not be the same because the circumstances around you are too unique. If they're not then God is luck.


But my consciousness is composed of some matter and perhaps it is more likely, however remote, that some particle of my brain may emerge In the infinite future variations possible, as a part of consciousness. And so I thought for a forgotten reason, isn't matter becoming more conscious.It is certainly as demonstrated by earth matter neural tissue thinking about the welfare of earth.

Is death of special significance or moment to the brain. If there was an afterlife, it would seem easier to reach it , while alive in our faculties, then dead where the brain dries up and loses all its neurochemical connections. What is most important to the brain is blood circulation. It needs constant bathing by accessible oxygen rich fluid. Perhaps evolution favored those groups whose members died peacefully and didn't pronounce great truths discovered in the "approach to the white light,". It is apparent that no great truths are discovered since noone says anything as nearly important as they did when they were vigorously alive.

I think Oscar has the best grave stone in the world ever. They should name the academy award after him. Gay bastard.